Lost In You
by Ababy99
Summary: Brooke has a crush...on Nathan Scott! They're either going to grow closer, or Nathan's jerk-ness will make them grow apart. Brooke'sPOV. read and review
1. One

**Lost in You**

**Chapter One**

_Six days went by  
Trying to forget his face  
It was you and I  
We were to young for these games_

**-This whole story is in Brooke's POV. The story is about how Brooke has a really big crush on Nathan and how she deals with seeing him and Haley together. The Brooke-Lucas-Peyton triangle never happened, but Peyton and Lucas are together. In this story, Nathan has his own apartment and his parents are in the process of getting a divorce.**

I walked out of my house with my leather coat wrapped tightly around me. My parents were fighting again, and I honestly didn't want to hear their shit. I got into my car and turned the radio up loud and drove to my favorite bar.

The bouncer knew me by my name, and I always could get me in without a problem. Granted, I had slept with the creep, but that was my reputation and I wasn't going to change it for anyone.

The first thing I did was walk up to the bar and ordered a drink. It was my routine, get a drink, get drunk, find a hot guy, sleep with him, go home, and repeat. People told me it was wrong, but they didn't know the pain I felt. They had parents who were around and told them how much they loved him. The only time I was told that I was loved was by some guy when I went on vacation to Hawaii, but he was drunk and 18 and I was only 15. The next morning I woke up and he was gone, yup ladies and gentleman that's love.

I sipped my drink and sent playful looks out to all the hot guys. I got some smirks back, and some glares back from their bimbo flat-chested girlfriends. But I was Brooke Davis, so I just went on my way and found more hot guys. I walked over to a dirty blonde guy and touched his arm lightly.

"How 'bout you buy me a drink?" I asked him as I ran my hand through my hair and flashed my pearly whites.

The boy smiled at me; "Sure," he said and then led me over to the bar where he ordered me a martini.

I fed him the olive and I could see his eyes light up, "Come on," I whispered in his ear as I pulled him towards the exit. We got into his car and things got heated. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear, but I never paid attention to things like that. Besides, it was just sex to me.

When it ended I got out of the car and fixed my top, "You should call me sometime," he said as he handed me a paper with his phone number on it.

"Right," I said sarcastically as I tore up the piece of paper right in front of him and watched his eyes follow the torn pieces of paper to the pavement, "You weren't that good honey," I grumbled and then walked to my car. I was telling the truth, he wasn't that good, but I needed a piece and for tonight he was the first guy I picked.

I got in my car and looked over to him and laughed. He looked down at the ground and was talking to himself. He was probably thinking what he had done wrong to not make me want to go out on another date. This kid obviously did not know me; I didn't do the whole dating thing.

I pulled out of the parking lot and drove home. I got out of my car and saw that my parents were gone. I sang a little bit as I skipped into my house and up the stairs to my pink bedroom. I got a shower and when I came out got my PJ's on and got on the computer for a little while. Nobody was on except for Nathan, but I never had the nerve to talk to him.

Nobody knew it, but I had a major crush on Nathan Scott ever since the day in 7th grade when he asked me if I would be his best friend. We were best friends for a while, until 9th grade when we both had our own little title. I was the hot, slutty freshman, and he was the hot, player freshman. We were in the same clique, but we never dated and then he started dating my best friend Peyton. That ended and I thought I had finally had my chance to be with him, but then Haley James came along and stole his heart. I tried to ruin them, but whatever I did didn't work.

I logged off my AOL and got into my bed and held onto my pillows. It was sad coming back from my night of sexual escapades, because when I come home I feel so lonely. Lonely should be my middle name. Bitch should be my first and Slut should be my last name. Lonely Bitch Slut, has a nice ring to it I think. I laughed as I thought about the name, it was pathetic that I broke myself down like this, but when you're lonely and you're reputation is only about sleeping with guys it's kind of hard to not go to bed without verbally abusing yourself.

My annoying alarm clock woke me up and I turned over and told the inanimate object to shut the hell up. I rolled out of my bed and got a shower, and when I got out put on a hot outfit and did my make up. Doing my make up was my favorite thing to do; it was like a mask you could put on when you were sad or mad. So I put on my mask and headed out the door with a smile on my face.

I pulled into my usual parking spot at the school and walked towards the place I called hell. I walked through the double doors and immediately saw Peyton and Lucas making out near here locker. I thought it was cute that the two were together, but I was definitely jealous that Peyton had a hot boyfriend and I had no one. I passed them and gave them a little wave and then went to my locker. Seconds later I was tapped on the shoulder and turned to see the blonde PDA queen herself standing beside with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Are you having a good morning?" I teased as I got my books and started walking to class.

Peyton smiled, "Definitely," she said, "Are you?"

"I had a good night," I said and gave her my signature wink.

"Slut," Peyton said, but was definitely kidding. Peyton hated when I went out to random places and met up with random guys and slept with them. She thought it was dangerous and that it would ruin my reputation. My reputation was already ruined so I honestly didn't give a damn.

Classes went by fast and teachers' lectures got more boring and more boring as the day went on. The 8th period bell finally rang and I was free from all the talks about science and about math. I walked to my locker to get my cheerleading stuff and low and behold I saw Haley James and Nathan Scott walking down the hall hand in hand. I rolled my eyes at how pathetic they were. I was jealous and I was so used to getting everything that I wanted.

I got my stuff and headed to the gym. Tim was there waiting for me as usual and whistling at me, and saying perverted things to me until Coach Whitey called him over for sprints. I walked over to Peyton with my pom-poms in hand.

"You going to the party tonight?" Peyton asked me as soon as soon as I was in ear shot.

I laughed, "Would I ever miss a party?"

Peyton nodded, "Of course not."

I stretched my quads and looked around the gym floor, "Whose party is it?"

"Haley and Nathan's," Peyton answered as she helped me stretch my arms.

I rolled my eyes, "They're having parties together now?" I asked, "How pathetic."

Peyton didn't notice my jealousy, and I was glad. Nobody knew how much I really liked Nathan, except for Jake. I was close with Jake, and people always thought we were dating or that we were sleeping together, but we weren't. Jake held me as I told him about all the feelings that I have for Nathan. He kissed the top of my head and told me that one day Nathan would see what a great girl I was. That one day never came, and I waited and waited for years. I don't know why I wait for him, but he's the kind of guy I would wait for forever.

Both practices ended and I ran up and jumped on Jake's back, "Hey you," I greeted as he held me tightly so that I wouldn't fall.

"This is a friendly greeting," Jake said as he twirled me around until I screamed for him to stop. He set me down and ruffled up my hair, "Are you going to the party tonight?"

I nodded, "Yup, are you?"

He shrugged, "I don't know," he said, "I can't really leave Jenny home alone," he whispered.

I lowered my voice so that nobody could hear us, "Find a babysitter." I was the only one who knew about Jenny. She was Jake's daughter and he took care of her because her mom had run off as soon as Jenny was born. When I looked at Jenny I can't see how any one could leave the little cutie. Jake took my advice and got on his cell phone to call his parents and get them to baby sit Jenny.

Nathan walked up to the both of us, and I swore that my heart had stopped for just a second, "Are you two coming to mine and Haley's party tonight?" He asked as he rubbed the back of his head.

I nodded. I hated when he said the name Haley. It made me so angry and mad and I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I was jealous of the poor virgin; I could only see one thing that Nathan could possibly see in her: Innocence.

"Hey Brooke," Nathan said, "Don't get drunk tonight and go home with some random guy that Tim brings," he said to me with cockiness on the tip of his tongue.

I laughed sarcastically, "I won't," I said. He had no idea how I felt about him, or else I don't think he would have said the things he said to me. Nathan had the right to be mad at me, especially since that night when I tried to ruin things with him and Haley, "Sorry Nathan," was all I had to say and then I walked away; embarrassed and ashamed.

Nathan looked at Jake in confusion, "What's she sorry for?" He asked Jake.

Jake watched as Brooke left, "I don't know," he lied, "Maybe you just have to be nicer to her." He then walked away and followed Brooke.

"Brooke," I heard Jake say my name, but I kept walking, "Brooke," he repeated, this time I little louder.

I turned around with tears and my eyes, "What?" I yelled.

He pulled me close to him and rocked me side to side, "You know he doesn't mean the things he says Brooke," he assured me.

"Why do I keep doing this to myself," I asked, even though I knew Jake couldn't answer the question for me, I had to answer it for myself.

Jake rubbed my back with one hand, "We'll go to that party together," he said as he took my hand and we walked towards our cars.

I knocked on Jake's door twice and he answered the door looking very cute, "Looking good Jakey," I said as I checked out his butt playfully.

Jake laughed, "Thanks," he said as he put his arm around, "You're not looking too bad yourself little lady," he opened the car door for me and then got in his own side.

We rocked out to the music and when we got close to the apartment we turned it down and tried to act calm and collected, "This will be fun," I assured myself.

Jake laughed, "Insane people talk to themselves."

"I'm sane," I said and then stuck my tongue out at him.

"Right," Jake said and then got out of the car. I got out of my own side and could hear the music blasting; the only thing I was hoping was that the cops didn't come and that I didn't see Haley or Nathan.

We walked into the apartment and saw that it was pretty crowded. I held onto Jake's hand and we walked towards Peyton and Lucas who were sitting at the kitchen counter, "Hey," I said over the music.

Peyton stood up and gave me a big hug, "Brooke!" She squealed, "You came."

"Of course I came," I said slowly so that she could understand me. I knew that Peyton was drunk; she was the weirdest partier I knew. She got drunk in the beginning of a party and by the end she was sober.

I grabbed a drink off the counter and sat down on the couch next to Jake, "This is fun," Jake said sarcastically. I laughed and nodded my head.

"Believe me it gets better," I assured him. I heard someone yell "Truth or Dare" and smiled at Jake, "Told you so."

I grabbed Jake's hand and walked over to the crowd of people that wanted to play. Jake and I sat beside each other and watched as Theresa and Bevin kissed each other causing all the "little boys" to howl. Jake laughed and looked down at the ground; I thought it was cute how he was such a gentleman. I patted him on the shoulder, "If you make me kiss another girl I'll kill you," I playfully whispered in his ear.

He laughed, "I know that's a promise."

"Okay," I heard Nathan bellow, "Jake and Brooke. You two are always together, tell us Jake have you ever slept with Brooke because most of the guys in this room have," Nathan said with his arm tightly around Haley.

My eyes burned and my fists were clenched tightly. I looked around the staring eyes and looked at Haley who was laughing along with Nathan like an idiot. I stormed out of the apartment and ran to Jake's car and leaned against it and cried. A few seconds later I saw Jake come towards me with an apologetic look on his face.

He came towards me and wrapped his arms around and let me cry on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Jake," I said with a muffled sniff.

"What are you sorry for?" Jake asked as he looked down at me, "Brooke, you didn't do anything."

I sobbed quietly, "I'm sorry about Nathan saying those things."

Jake kissed my tear stained cheek, "I told that bastard to go to hell, and that you and I were just friends. Then I came out to see if you were okay."

"Can you take me home?" I asked as I walked towards the passenger's side of the car. I got in and looked out the window. Jake looked at me and rubbed my shoulder lightly.

"Don't let him get to you," was the last thing I heard from Jake before I drifted off to sleep.

Nathan looked down at the car as it pulled away. He had watched Jake comfort Brooke and just be her friend. Nathan didn't know why he was so mean to Brooke all the time, but he seemed to always lash out at her and always seemed to hurt her in the process. Nathan felt a light touch on his arm and turned to see Haley beside him.

"Just remember how much she tried to hurt us," Haley reminded him.

Nathan nodded and put his arm around Haley, "Yeah I know," he said softly. He smiled at his girlfriend, but on the inside he kept thinking about how much he had really hurt Brooke.

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	2. Two

Lost In You

Chapter Two

And all the pictures that I kept  
And all the things I should have said  
It was you and I  
But mostly me

I walked to my locker as I heard the first period bell ring. I was late, again, and I knew I was going to get hell for it from my other teachers. I took my time though, I didn't care if I was late or not. I had a bad night, which meant my morning would suck ass too. I saw the halls flood with kids and in a matter of 2 minutes they were empty. I sighed and thought about what had happened the night before. I exchanged my books and stood at my locker for a second to think. My thoughts were interrupted by a masculine voice.

"You just going to stand there all day," Nathan said with a nervous laugh as he dug his hands in his pockets.

I glared at him, "I will if I want to," I snapped back.

Nathan looked down at the ground and then back up at me, "Look, about what happened last night"

"I don't want to talk about it," I grumbled.

"I'm sorry," Nathan said before I stormed away and gave him the cold shoulder.

I shifted my weight to one side and scoffed, "For what? Embarrassing me in front of everyone? Or for making me seem like the biggest slut ever?"

"Both," Nathan said uncomfortably, "I came to apologize because I saw how hurt you were and I felt bad."

"Don't give me your pity Scott," I said coldly.

Nathan sighed, "It's not pity. I honestly feel bad about what I said. You do some stupid things when you drink, you know?"

"If you're going to blame this on alcohol than go ahead," I said sharply, "But I highly doubt a drunk person could say something that mean."

"It was a joke," Nathan said as he threw his hands up in defense.

I laughed at his stupidity, "Yeah, and it sure was one hell of a knee slapper, let me tell you!"

I could see the anger growing onto Nathan's face, "You know what? Fine, I gave you my apology, now I'm done," he went to walk away, but I grabbed his arm.

"I forgive you," I said as I looked into his eyes.

Nathan smirked and pulled his arm lightly out of my grip, "I'm glad that's settled," he said softly and then walked away.

I watched as he walked away, he looked back once and smiled and I smiled back. Either we had reached an understanding or the kid was on drugs. I walked into the library and saw Peyton sitting at a table drawing. I walked towards her and sat down, "Hangover?" I asked.

Peyton looked up and nodded, "The worst one yet."

I rubbed Peyton's head softly, "That's what happens when you drink too much honey. Believe me, I know."

Peyton smiled, "Are you okay? I know what Nathan said was really shady"

"I'm okay," I assured her, "He apologized to me like ten minutes ago, so everything's patched up I guess."

"That's good," Peyton said as she bobbed her head and added detail to her drawing.

I looked at her drawing and smiled, "Draw me a picture Peyton."

"What?" Peyton asked.

"Draw me a picture," I repeated.

Peyton's face lit up, "OkayâWhat do you want me to entitle it?"

"I'll explain the concept," I began, "Girl likes boy. Boy doesn't know girl likes him. Boy is dating another girl."

"I think I can do that," Peyton said with a laugh.

I hugged my friend tightly, "You're the best," I whispered in her ear and then walked out of the library.

When I walked out of the library I almost bumped into Haley who was walking into the library, "Hey," I said softly.

"Brooke," she said, "I've been meaning to talk to you, look, Nathan is really sorry about last night," she started.

I stopped her, "Yeah I know, he already talked to me."

"He did?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said with a nod, "Haley I know you don't like me."

Haley looked down at the ground, "Brooke I just don't like you because you tried to ruin Nathan and mine's relationship."

"You have to understand I never meant any intentions of hurting you guys," I said genuinely.

Haley sighed, "That means a lot Brooke, but when you have a bottle of beer in your hand well I personally don't want to be around you."

"I know," I said trying to hold back my tears, "I'm trying to be better at the whole drinking thing."

Haley looked around the hallways and then back at me, "Why are you like this?"

I held back my tears and swallowed the lump in my throat, "My umâparents are never really around," I said apprehensively.

I thought Haley out of all people would be understanding of my situation, but she wasn't, "That isn't an excuse to try and ruin people's lives," was all she had to say.

I didn't know why I was just standing there and letting Haley verbally beat me right in front of my face. She stood with such confidence and anger before me that I didn't know what to do. I felt scared, which is something I hardly ever feel. I bit my bottom lip and looked her straight in the eye, "You have no idea what I have to go through Haley," I sneered, "And if you went through half the shit I did, you'd be the same way too," I walked away before she could get another word in.

I went straight to my car and drove to the river court. I had heard people talking about this place so often that I decided to go down there myself and check it out. I walked out of my car and towards the bleachers that were set up. I looked around and saw that I wasn't alone. Nathan walked towards me and sat down as I crossed my arms tightly across my chest.

"Skipping?" He asked. I nodded my head, but didn't say a word, "You look sad," he pointed out. I nodded my head again and looked straight ahead, "Want to tell me what's wrong?" He asked.

I looked at him and sighed, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Nathan squinted his eyes because of the sunlight, "Try me," was all he said.

"Haley just really ripped me a new ass hole," I said with a hint of sad laughter, "She hates me Nathan, because of something I did when I was drunk and unhappy."

Nathan sighed, "She was really upset about that."

I rolled my eyes, "You guys are still together so what I did obviously didn't have any effect on your relationship."

"That's what you're upset about?"

"I'm upset about everyone thinking that I don't have any feelings," I exclaimed, "Everyone thinks that I'm never sad and that I never cry. About 75 of my day consists of me crying and be upset!"

Nathan leaned back and looked straight ahead, "I had no idea."

I bit my lip, "Now during a party you can use that against me and make me feel like shit."

"That wasn't what I was trying to do," Nathan stated.

I felt the warm tears against my cheek and looked down at the ground, "I'm so sad sometimes Nathan. Sometimes I just want to run away and never come back, and sometimes I wish people didn't know me as Brooke Davis, the chick to go to if you need an easy lay."

"People don't think that" Nathan said.

"Don't say that," I mumbled, "Don't lie to me don't act like you and I are best friends again and that everything is peachy keen."

Nathan rubbed his eyes, "What happened to us Brooke?"

"We grew apart," I said softly, "High school came along and we forgot about how much we really did love each other."

"Was it really love?" Nathan asked.

My lips quivered and I didn't know whether it was from me crying or the cold chill, "I know that I loved you Nathan."

"Why are you telling me this now?" Nathan asked as he threw his hands up.

"You asked!" I exclaimed, "It's time for the truth, I'm not going to lie anymore."

Nathan looked at me in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I" I began, but was cut off by Lucas dribbling a basketball and coming towards us.

Lucas gave us an apologetic look, "I didn't know you guys were skipping too."

"It's okay," I assured him, "I was just leaving," I said and got up from the bleachers and started towards my car.

Lucas looked at Nathan, "Hales was looking for you," he said and then took a jump shot.

I heard Nathan say okay and then heard him jog towards him and grab onto my forearm, "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing," I said, "This was all a mistake."

"What was?" Nathan asked.

I sighed, "Us talking. We were best friends Nathan, now it's over and we can go back to our lives."

"Don't do this Brooke," Nathan said as I started to walk away.

I turned around and wiped the tears that were beginning to run down my cheek, "Remember when we were 15 years old and I came over to talk to you. You were working on your foul shooting and I wanted to join you. Your dad must have been riding you pretty hard about that damn foul shot because I remember you snapped at me and I walked away. I waited for you to come after me Nathan, I waited and waited. You never came after me," I sobbed.

Nathan looked at me and sighed in regret, "You never told me that you wanted me to come after you."

I looked up at the sky and then back at him, "I shouldn't have had to," I said and then walked back slowly to my car.

Nathan walked into Haley's room and saw her typing at the computer. Her warm smile greeted him, "Hey," he said as he sat on her bed.

"What's going on?" Haley asked.

Nathan flipped the pages of Haley's scrap book, "Did you say something to Brooke today at school?"

Haley sighed, "Yeah why?"

"She seemed upset at practice," he said. Nathan wasn't planning on telling Haley about his little encounter with Brooke at the river court.

Haley walked over to Nathan and put her hands on his broad shoulders and kissed him softly on the lips, "I just told her the truth."

"It was kind of harsh Hales," Nathan pointed out.

Haley walked back over to her computer and shrugged, "She deserved it Nate."

I knocked on Lucas's bedroom door and stood until he finally answered. He looked at me in confusion. He and I were never an item, but we did go out on a date once and made out. I thought of him as a good person to turn to when I needed someone.

"Brooke?" He asked. I loved the way he said my name, his voice was filled with worry and compassion.

I looked down at the ground, "Do you think I'm pathetic?"

"No," he said genuinely.

I looked and saw Peyton coming up to the door, I smiled at her and then at him, "Thanks," was all I said and then walked away.

"What is she so upset about?" Peyton asked.

Lucas closed his bedroom door and shrugged, "I was going to ask you the same thing"

Peyton looked concern, "I hope she's okay. I've never seen her so upset before."

"She's a strong girl," Lucas said.

"Let's hope so," Peyton said softly to herself.

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	3. Three

**Lost In You**

**Chapter Three**

**A/N- Thanks everyone for all the reviews! All of you are awesome!**

_Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again  
Lost in you  
And I can't find myself again_

I walked into Jake's house and saw him in his room feeding Jenny. He looked at me with such worry on his face that I bet he thought somebody had just died. I laid on his bed and stared at Jenny, "She's so lucky," I said to myself.

Jake looked at me, "And why is that?"

"Because," I answered, "She doesn't have to deal with all the bull shit of being 17."

Jake looked at Jenny and kissed her on the cheek, "Jenny will have to one of these days."

I wiped my eyes and sighed, "I feel bad. She has to grow up and meet people like Nathan. She'll get picked on for not having a mom and then she'll end up like me."

"If Jenny ended up like you, then I would be the happiest father in the world," Jake said genuinely as he rubbed my shoulder, "You're not a bad person Brooke..."

I bit my bottom lip, "I just do bad things sometimes."

Jake set Jenny down in her crib and laid beside me and held my hand, "You know why you're my best friend? You kept Jenny a secret for me, you are always here for me," Jake stated "I trust you more than I trust anybody."

"Thanks," I said softly.

"Don't let Nathan and Haley try to ruin you," He said as he brought my chin up with his two fingers, "They don't know what people like us have to go through."

I nodded my head, and then kissed Jake lightly on the cheek, "I'll see you later Jake," I said and the got up from the bed.

"You're a great person," Jake said before I walked out of his bedroom.

I crossed my arms and looked down at the ground, "If I'm such a great person then why do people feel the need to always have to bring me down?"

"They're jealous," Jake answered. I nodded my head and walked out of the bedroom and then out of the house. I got into my car and drove back to my house, even though it didn't even feel like a home. It was more like a place I went when I needed to eat and sleep. It was hard growing up in a place where all your parents did was drink and fight. The worst thing in the world is having to grow up with people that acted as though you weren't even there. I always joked that I could slit my throat in front of my parents and bleed and the only thing they would say would be to not get my blood on the new carpet. I hated them because they didn't pay attention to me.

I used to hear kids complain about getting grounded and their parents not letting them go somewhere. Everyone said I was lucky that my parents weren't around; I nodded in agreement and smiled even though on the inside I truly wished my parents would ground me. It sounds stupid, but the only thing I ever wanted in life was for someone to put me in my place and tell me when I was doing something stupid. That's where Jake came along; he is the most honest person I've ever met. He and Peyton are like the family I never had; they'll tell me when I'm wrong and they'll tell me when I'm doing something stupid.

I walked into my house and sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. The only thing on were re-runs of Real World, and a bunch of sappy soap operas. Even though I disliked soap operas I couldn't help but watch them. My life was a soap opera, Peyton would joke, and she couldn't have been anymore correct. I was a drama queen, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I walked into the kitchen and got out my dad's Jack Daniels. It wasn't a girly drink, but neither was sleeping around, which I did like a pro.

I sat back down on the coach and drank myself sick. That's what I did; I drank and let the pain go away. The only thing I had to get used to was the fact that the pain never went away. I was either getting shit from my parents, fellow students, Nathan, or Haley, and I was sick of hearing about how much people disliked me. Not everyone hated me, just a select few.

Haley. When I hear the name I just want to punch somebody and knock all their teeth out. She was a virgin, and thought that anybody who didn't believe what she believed was wrong and slutty. She judges me because she doesn't give a rat's ass to know me, and I feel the same way about her. I mean, what's to know? She's a virgin, she's a nerd, she dresses weird, and from what I can see changed Nathan into a pussy-whipped goody two shoes.

I've always wanted to change myself, but why should I change just so I can get acceptance from other people? I looked down at the empty Jack Daniels bottle and sighed. Life was too short for me to be wasting it away on drinking, but every time I told myself I was going to stop drinking so much the next night somebody would have a party and I would end up drinking.

As I took sip from my bottle of sorrow I thought about my aunt. I hadn't seen her in about four months, but she always called in to check on me. She was the only person blood related that loved me and cared about me. My aunt was funny and beautiful, and I think she and I got along so well was because out personalities are almost identical. We joked that I was a younger version of her. Nathan knew her back when we were younger; he treated her like she was his aunt. My aunt knows about how hard I'm falling for Nathan because I trust her enough to tell her. She gives the best advice and I love her as though she was my own mother. I couldn't see how she was related to my dad, because the two of them were nothing alike.

I looked around the spinning room and told myself to stop drinking. I always wanted to stop drinking and stop sleeping around. But those were my drugs; they relieved the pain and made me forget. When I was sleeping with some random guy it made up for the attention my parent's didn't give me. And when I was drinking it made me forget about everything and let me get a few hours of happiness in my pathetic, dark life. I laid down on my couch and watch the TV get fuzzier and fuzzier until everything turned black.

Nathan walked into his apartment and dropped his gym bag on the floor. He grabbed a Gatorade out of the fridge and collapsed onto the couch. Haley walked in a few minutes later and laid beside him, "Hey," he said.

She smiled up at him, "What are you doing?" She asked, but was cut short by a forceful kiss from Nathan. They began to make out, but Haley pulled away when she thought things were getting too heated, "What are you doing?" Haley exclaimed.

"Kissing you," Nathan answered nonchalantly.

Haley sighed, "You know I don't want to have sex."

Nathan gave her an odd look, "I was just kissing you!"

Haley got up and walked towards the door, "I should go..."

"Don't," he said as he got up, and stopped her, "I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to force you."

Haley looked down at the ground, "I'm going to Lucas's...I need to study."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "Do you're just going to run away? Go to Lucas's so he can make it all better?" He said sarcastically.

"What about you and Brooke?" Haley exclaimed, "I know you two were just the _best _of friends." Nathan stood there speechless, for the first time in his life he, Nathan Scott, was speechless. Haley crossed her arms and regretted the fight, "Call me later," was all she had to say before leaving the apartment.

I woke up with a pounding headache and my parents sitting next to me crying. I sat up quickly, bad idea, and looked at them in confusion, "What's going on?"

My dad stroked my cheek, which took me by surprise because I had never felt such a gentle touch from him before, "Brooke. You're aunt Sarah died last night," he said, and I could tell he had been crying.

I looked to my mom, but she was nodding her head and had her face his by a tissue, "No," I said as my eyes started to tear up, "She can't be gone daddy." That was the first time in my life I had ever called my dad "daddy".

My dad pulled me close to him and rocked me back and forth, "There was nothing the doctors could do..."

"How'd she die?" I honestly didn't want to know, but a part of me did.

My dad stroked my hair, "She got hit by a drunk driver."

My heart stopped. Here I was, I had just drank a whole bottle of Jack Daniels and my aunt who loved me more than life itself had just been killed by some idiot that could've been me, "Why did it have to be her?" I said to myself softly.

My mom came over and sat on my other side, "Sweetheart," she said comforting me, "Everything happens for a reason..."

"When's the funeral," I asked.

"Tomorrow morning," my dad said and then got up from the couch and lit a cigarette. He hadn't smoked since my grandpa had died, "I'm going upstairs." And with that he went upstairs to his room.

My mom looked at me and grabbed the empty bottle, "You're father and I will be leaving after the funeral. We have to take care of some business with Sarah's will."

"She wouldn't want you taking her money," I sneered.

"Do you want another drink Brooke?" My mom asked coldly before going upstairs to her room.

I watched her walk up the stairs and wondered to myself why couldn't she have been the one that got hit? I reached for the phone and called Nathan, he was close to my aunt as well and I thought it would be respectful to call him and invite him to the funeral. Plus, I needed someone to hold me, and right now Jake didn't seem like the guy to do it. Jake didn't know my aunt; he couldn't possibly feel the pain I was feeling.

I dialed the number to his house carefully; I still had it memorized from when we were younger. It rang a couple times and I heard his voice pick up the phone and say hello.

"Nathan," I said my voice still sad, he must have noticed.

"Brooke are you okay?" I heard him say.

I sighed, "Not really Nathan. Aunt Sarah died last night. She got hit by a drunk driver," the words were so hard to get out, but I knew had to face reality.

I heard a long pause and then I finally heard his voice, "Sarah died?" He said in shock, his voice was softer than it was before, "I'm so sorry Brooke."

"Me too," I sobbed, "The funerals tomorrow morning, and I was wondering if you wanted to come..."

"Definitely," I heard him say quickly.

I ran my fingers through my stringy auburn hair, "Thanks Nate, I'll see you tomorrow."

I woke up and dressed myself in a black dress. I hated black, black symbolized death and death was something that I didn't like. I sat in the back of my parent's car and looked out the window until we got to the funeral home. I walked in and automatically didn't like the place. It was so sad inside and so gloomy. I separated from my parents and got kisses and hugs from cousins and aunts and uncles. These people didn't love me or love each other; they were just there because the death of Sarah had forced them to be together for at least half an hour. Rest in peace Sarah...

I felt someone tap my shoulder lightly and turned around to see Nathan standing there. He had on a very attractive black suit and had definitely cleaned up a bit for the occasion. He pulled me in for a big hug, and I could smell the cologne he always wore. I hugged him tighter and never wanted to let go, "Thank you," I whispered in his ear. The hug broke and he looked down at me. He kissed me lightly on the cheek and I smiled weakly, "You don't know how much this means to me."

He wiped a tear from my cheek and held onto my hand, "I think I do," he said softly and then we walked into the room where the funeral was being held.

Nathan held my hand during the whole thing, and when I started to cry and held me close to him. We walked up and said our final prayers to my aunt and I walked outside because I thought I was going to faint; Nathan followed. "I can't believe she's gone Nathan," I said with my hand over my mouth, "She was the only thing I had left."

I felt his strong arms wrap around me tightly, "Be strong Brooke," he said to me, "Sarah wouldn't want you to be like this, she'd want you to be strong for her."

"I can't," I sobbed. He held onto me until we noticed everyone was leaving, "Take me to her grave," I said. He nodded and we got into his car and drove a couple minutes down the road.

I walked to her grave holding onto Nathan's hands and I stood in front of it and read the name "Sarah Brooke Davis" on the tombstone. It sent chills up my spine to see her name on the tombstone. I sat down in the bench in front of it and Nathan sat beside me, "I'll miss you Sar," I said in almost a whisper.

Nathan put his arm around me and we sat in silence and watched as the leaves around her grave twirled into the wind, "Do you remember when she made us those cookies and let us swim in her pool?" Nathan asked me.

I smiled, "Yeah," I answered, "And we pushed her in the pool and she had a tray full of cookies in her hand..."

"But she made more," Nathan said, "And she never got mad."

"That was my aunt Sarah," I said with a light laugh, "The most amazing woman in the world."

Nathan rubbed my back in a circular motion, "Are you going to be okay?"

I looked down at the ground and bit my upper lip, "I don't know..."

"Come on," Nathan said as he grabbed my hand, "We'll go back to my place and eat some pizza."

I didn't say a word I just sat in Nathan's car and looked out the window. We got to his apartment and I slowly walked in, "You don't have to do this," I said quietly as I sat down on the couch.

"I know," Nathan said as he sat down beside me on the couch with the pizza, "I want to do this."

"Why?" I asked, "Why now?"

Nathan sighed and took a bite of his pizza, "Because I know you need someone right now, and I'm here for you."

I nodded my head and took off my heels, "Thanks," I said as I looked at Nathan. He looked back at me with a genuine smile. A smile that made me feel like everything was going to be all right.

Nathan wrapped his arms around and let me rest my head on his chest. I listened to the rhythm of his heart beat and rubbed my hand against his arm. He kissed me on the forehead and I smiled. I felt bad that the death of my aunt had to be the reason why we were getting along so well. I watched him switch the channels and when it stopped on MTV, the song I absolutely loved was playing. Nickelback's "How You Remind Me." That song had gotten me through so many nights of thinking about Nathan that it was almost pathetic in a way.

It's not like you didn't know that

I said I love you and I swear I still do

And it must have been so bad

Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how you remind me of what I really am

This is how you remind me of what I really am

"Are you okay?" Nathan asked me as I wiped yet another tear from my face.

I wiped my eyes and nodded, "I'll be okay. I just can't get over the fact that she's actually gone."

Nathan lifted my head up with his two fingers under my chin, "Don't beat yourself up about this," he said in almost a hushed voice.

"Now I don't have anybody," I sobbed.

He shook his head, "You have me," he said as his face got closer to mine. I leaned in and our lips met. It wasn't what I'd expect from Nathan, the kiss was soft and sweet. I rested my hand on his cheek and he rested his hand on my thigh. The kiss grew more intense, but it was still soft.

We both pulled away at the same time, because we both knew it was wrong, "I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't worry about it," Nathan said softly, "It's okay..."

I got up from the couch and walked slowly to the door, "Well, thanks for everything..."

"No problem," he said as he watched me.

I sighed and had to catch my breath, "About that kiss," I began.

"Brooke," he said to stop me, "We both wanted it," he exhaled.

I nodded my head and walked out the door. I should've stayed, I should've kissed him more intensely...I broke down because I thought I had just crushed the only chance of ever kissing those sweet lips again.

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**Sorry for having this chapter is up so late!**


	4. Four

Lost In You

Chapter Four

I looked into the locker room mirror and checked my make up. Tonight was the Cheerleader Auction where all the horny guys from Tree Hill bid on the Raven Cheerleaders. I always got the highest bid, not because I was the prettiest, not because I had the best personality, no it was because I was the easiest. I wished that my Prince Charming would come and bid the highest bid and take me out to a nice restaurant and whisper sweet nothings in my ear and not ask for sex.

Peyton put her arm around my shoulder and smiled at me, "Are you ready to make the most money tonight?"

I shrugged, "Sometimes I wish they didn't bid on me for just sex you know?" I said sadly.

"Somebody out there really loves you," Peyton said genuinely and then walked away. I watched her walk away and then I heard Whitey announce my name and the boys holler. I smiled to myself and pranced up onto the stage.

I danced around for a little bit, and heard a whole lot of bids coming from every direction, but I never looked at who was bidding on me, it took all the fun out of everything. "450 dollars sold!" I heard Whitey yell and then bang his mallet on the podium.

I smiled at Whitey and skipped off the stage. I watched Peyton go up, and Lucas easily won her. She got off the stage and we hugged, "Who got you?" She asked poking me in the ribs.

"I don't know," I said, "Maybe Jake did or something?" We both shrugged and I walked out towards the front entrance of the school. Peyton walked away with Lucas and I gave them each a wave goodbye.

I rocked back and forth on my heels and looked around the school for anyone coming towards me. I sighed and was about to walk away until I heard a familiar voice telling me to stop. I turned and saw Nathan standing there holding the envelope that said "Brooke" with a smirk on his face.

"What kid did you have to beat up to get that?" I teased. He smiled.

He walked towards me with that smirk still on his face, "I bought you Brooke Davis."

"That's a scary thought," I said with a laugh.

I linked my arm into Nathan's as we walked out into the parking lot, "I thought we could go to my house and hang out."

I stopped in my tracks and looked at him in confusion, "Does Haley know about this?"

"No," Nathan said apprehensively.

"Right," I said sarcastically, "I'm just going to be you're little secret now?"

Nathan put his arm around me, which took me by surprise, "We're going to have fun tonight," he said.

Peyton sat on Lucas's bed and fumbled with her hands nervously, but tried to put on her best "everything's okay" smile. Lucas sat down beside her and held her trembling hands, "What's going on Peyton? You've been freaked out all night," he asked.

"You won't want to be with me if I told you," Peyton said softly as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Lucas looked at her in confusion, "Did you cheat on me or something?"

Peyton shook her head, "No," she sobbed quietly, "Of course not."

"Then what?" Lucas asked as he put his strong arm around Peyton's shoulders.

Peyton bit her top lip and looked down at the ground, "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant..."

Lucas's eyes got big, "What do you mean pretty sure?"

"Well, I'm late," Peyton said, "I haven't taken a test or anything yet."

"Is the baby mine?" Lucas asked apprehensively.

Peyton nodded, "Of course it's yours," she said as she rubbed her stomach.

Lucas grabbed onto Peyton's hand and squeezed it, "I'll go with you to take the test," he said sincerely, "This baby is ours."

I walked along Nathan's pool with him as we talked, "So your favorite food is prime rib?" Nathan asked me in disbelief.

"Yeah," I said in a 'duh' tone of voice, "I'd eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if it wasn't so fattening."

Nathan agreed, "Yeah, we don't want to see any fat cheerleaders on the sidelines," he joked.

Brooke scoffed jokingly, "Also, we don't want to see a fat number 23 running down the court having to have a drink every five minutes," I teased and then pushed Nathan into the pool. I laughed hysterically as he came up to the surface.

"Davis you're dead," he threatened, but I stood there and laughed, "Okay," he said, "Help me out..."

I reached my hand out to help Nathan and just like I had expected he pulled me in as well, "For some reason I knew you were going to do that," I said as I splashed him.

Nathan picked me up and threw me at least a foot causing me to scream and then go under the water. I laughed and went over to him and tried to dunk him. I tried pushing down on his head to make him go under, but he was too strong, and he knew he was too strong that's why he was laughing the whole time I was trying. I ended up giving up because I was so weak from laughter. When I stopped Nathan pushed me and I almost went over, but stopped myself. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried to get him under that way. We both laughed and then looked into each other's eyes. I noticed my arms were wrapped around his neck, and that his hands were on my hips. I laughed nervously and he looked embarrassed. I knew I should've swam away, but something told me to stay and let him hold me. My lips went towards his and we kissed. That feeling of comfort and love came through my body and I was smiling on the inside. He pushed me lightly against the side of the pool and kissed me with intensity; I loved it. I ran my hands through his short hair and began to kiss his neck.

I made out with Nathan Scott in his pool. We made out for what seemed like hours and I enjoyed every minute of it. We got out of the pool and stood by his car, "So," I said nervously, "I think you got a little bit more than you paid for," I laughed nervously.

He laughed, I loved his laugh, "No," he said, "I didn't pay to make out with you...I paid to be with you."

"Then why are you still with Haley?" I asked sadly.

He stood there in silence and didn't answer my question. I looked out the window as Nathan drove me home. We got to my driveway and I opened the door, "Look," I said, "I know I have a bad reputation. If that's the reason why you don't want to be with me then I understand, I just don't want you to use me," I said sadly.

"I'm not using you Brooke," Nathan said truthfully.

I sighed, "Then what exactly are you doing?" I said and then got out of my car and walked into my house.

I walked into my room and saw Peyton sitting on my bed, "Hey," I said. She would sometimes always show up at my house, and I really didn't make anything of it until I saw the tears in her eyes, "Oh my god," I exclaimed as I sat down next to her, "Are you okay?"

Peyton rested her head on my shoulder and sobbed, "I might be pregnant Brooke."

"Oh Peyton," I sighed as my jaw dropped, "Are you sure yet?"

Peyton shrugged, "I'm doing the test tomorrow..."

I turned on Peyton's favorite song to see if that would help her at all. I turned on Gavin Degraw's CD and let her lay her head on my lap and tell me all her problems.

Staring at a maple leaf

Leaning on the mother tree

I Said to myself we all lost touch

Nathan drove back home and thought about Brooke. He loved being around her, and being in her company. She had a positive energy and a smile that could light up any room that she entered.

Your favorite fruit is chocolate covered cherries

And seedless watermelon oh

Nothing from the ground is good enough

Peyton fell asleep on my lap and that gave me time to think about Nathan. He had such a confidence about him and I loved the way his big strong arms could protect me from anything. Nathan had a way of breaking a girl's heart without actually doing anything, and that's exactly what he had done to me.

Body rise

Look what's over me

Nathan laid on his bed and looked up at his ceiling. His clothes were still damp from the pool and his lips were yearning for Brooke's kiss. Nathan enjoyed kissing Brooke, even more than Haley. He knew what he was doing was going to hurt both of them in the long run, but he couldn't stop kissing Brooke and he couldn't stop being around Haley.

Oh Chariot your golden waves

are walking down upon this face

Oh Chariot I'm singing out loud

To guide me

Give me you're...

Strength

I drove back to Nathan's house. Peyton was asleep and I was still awake. I knew it was wrong for me to be going there, but I needed to go there. I walked into his front door and up to his room. His bedroom door was open and he must've heard me coming because he looked up at me. We didn't say anything, our bodies just touched and our lips met. Our bodies fit perfectly, and everything was just perfect.

Remember seeking moons of birth

Rings made mirrors of the earth

The sun was just yellow energy

It is a living promise land

He looked down at me and I looked up at him. I kissed him hard as we made love for the first time. He was different than other guys, and I was hoping that I was different than other girls. We both wanted to pretend that it was just sex, but I knew that it meant more. We smiled at each other and he whispered sweet nothings into my ear. He moaned in pleasure as I kissed his stomach, and I giggled as he kissed my neck.

Even over fields of sand

Seeds just fill my body

Cover me

Bringing back

Nathan ran his fingers through my hair, and we kissed and caressed. It felt good to be touched by him, and to be loved by him. I never thought once about Haley, Lucas, Peyton, or anybody. I didn't even think about my Aunt Sarah, all I could think about was Nathan and me. Me and Nathan. Us. I always had a strange feeling when I'm around Nathan, it's like I just want him to grab me and kiss me and then we can lay in bed together and tell each other everything. I trust him, and I don't know if I should.

More than a memory

We breathed heavily when it ended and I felt sad when it ended. I looked at him and smiled, he smiled back, "I want to know about you Nathan," I said softly.

"Why?"

I shrugged, "I don't know..."

Nathan sighed, "I'm not good at the whole opening up thing."

"Of course you're not...You're a guy," I laughed.

He smirked and rubbed the top of my head, "Goodnight Brooke," he said and then turned over and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight," I whispered and then got up and got my clothes on. I walked out of his bedroom and heard his parent's fighting. They yelled horrible things to each other, and I felt scared leaving Nathan here by himself. I walked back into Nathan's room and took his hand, "You're not staying here with them fighting like this."

Nathan brushed it off, "I'm used to it."

"Nathan," I said sternly, "You're coming with me." He must've heard the seriousness in my voice because he got on his clothes and we headed out the back door.

We walked into my room and Peyton was on the floor with a small blanket and one of my pillows. Nathan got into my bed and I got in beside him, "You didn't have to do this," he said.

"I know," I said, "I wanted to do this."

Nathan smiled and closed his eyes. I smiled to myself and then drifted off. I woke up the next morning and looked to see an empty space beside me. I sighed and woke up Peyton; her eyes were red from crying, "What did you do last night?" She asked.

"Went to Nathan's," I mumbled.

Peyton's eyes lit up, "Give me the gossip!"

I sighed as I got ready for school, "We had sex."

Peyton cooed, "He wants you chick."

"How do you know?" I asked, "He left this morning..."

"But," Peyton stated, "He did give you a kiss on the forehead before he left. I saw him do it," she said before I asked.

Peyton and I walked into school together and I saw Lucas run over towards her and hug her tightly, "I tried calling your cell phone," he said with a worried tone.

"She was at my house," I explained. He sighed with relief, and kissed Peyton passionately. I watched the two of them, they were so in love and they didn't have to hide it.

I walked into the school and saw Haley and Nathan walking in the hall together. Haley was babbling and Nathan was at least pretending to listen. He looked up and saw me, I smiled weakly and he smiled back. We had an understanding of each other; I couldn't take him away from Haley even though I would love to. I stared into my locker looking for my chemistry book. I felt hands grip my hips, I turned and saw Nathan standing there with a cocky smirk on his face, "What are you doing?" I whispered.

Nathan kissed me passionately, "Last night was amazing Brooke," he said, "I can't forget that..."

"You can't forget Haley," I said trying to be nice and considerate.

"Forget her," Nathan said sternly and kissed me again.

Oh Chariot....

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	5. Five

**Lost In You**

**Chapter Five**

The force from the kiss made my knees weak, and my heart skipped a beat. Nathan looked down on me; his eyes filled with compassion and love. His hands were around my waist, and my hands were cupping his face. I looked down the hall way and saw that it was deserted. I pulled Nathan's face close to mine and kissed him once more. "I can't stop thinking about you," he whispered.

The comment made me smile, "That makes two of us," I sweetly replied. We went our separate ways each having that goofy smile on our faces. I walked alone in the halls humming whatever song was in my head.

I heard Peyton's light chuckle from behind me, "And I though I'd seen it all..."

"What?" I questioned innocently.

"You and Nathan," she said, "Together....Kissing," I went to spit out a lie, but Peyton cut me off, "Don't even try to deny it," she teased, "I saw you two."

She had me defeated, "Are you going to tell Haley?" I asked with a sigh.

"No," Peyton said, "Brooke, you're my best friend. I'm here for you..."

I smiled, "Thanks," I said and then gave her a big hug. I rubbed her stomach lightly, "Do you know for sure?"

Peyton sighed, "Not for sure, but I'm taking the test tomorrow."

"It'll be okay," I assured her.

Peyton swallowed the lump that was beginning in her throat, "I hope so," she said weakly.

"How's Lucas feel?"

"He doesn't want to be like Dan so..." Peyton began.

3 months later...

I sat there holding my best friend's hand as she lay in the hospital bed. Peyton was having a baby, and was only 17 years old. We laughed and cried as we talked about all our dumb childhood memories. She was going to be a mom, "God Peyton, I thought I'd never see the day when you were fatter than me," I teased.

Peyton laughed, "Shut up Davis," she joked. She rubbed her hand along her big stomach and sighed, "If it's a girl I'm going to name her Brooke."

I smiled gratefully, "Why?"

"Because," Peyton said, "You're the bravest and strongest person I know..."

"I'm not brave," I said softly.

Peyton squeezed my hand tighter, "You are in my eyes."

I felt tears beginning to form in my eyes, "I'll be in the waiting room," I said and then kissed Peyton lightly on the forehead before leaving the room.

Life had changed for all of us. Peyton and Lucas were moving to Charleston with Keith after the baby was born. Nathan and Haley had gotten engaged, and we're planning to marry. I sat in the waiting room and looked around and saw Karen and Mr. Sawyer asleep on the uncomfortable chairs. Nathan and Haley sat a couple seats down from them. Haley had fallen asleep in Nathan's arms while he stared off into space. We made eye contact; I looked away quickly. We loved each other, he that us being together was too difficult. He didn't understand how hard it was for me to watch him marry another girl. Nathan walked over to me and sat down.

"I can't believe Peyton's pregnant," he said trying to make conversation.

I nodded my head, "Yeah..."

Nathan sighed, "Are you ever going to talk to me?"

"I am talking to you," I snapped back. I didn't need his shit, especially not now.

Nathan rubbed his temples, "You can't be like this Brooke."

"Why?" I asked, "You told me you loved me."

"I was confused," Nathan said as he cracked his knuckles.

I scoffed, "Confused? That's what you call it? I just thought since Haley was putting out you came to me to get some!"

"You know that's not true," he said defensively.

I rolled my eyes, "You'll never change Nathan. You're just the same old you..."

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't know you cared. I thought everything was just sex to you?"

I leaned away from him, "You're pathetic."

"How am I pathetic?" Nathan shot back.

I sighed, "Because you can't even admit that you love someone because you're so into yourself!"

"That's bull shit!" Nathan said trying to keep his voice calm.

"You're right!" I exclaimed, "This is all bull shit! This whole town is bull shit," and with that I got up from my chair.

I left. I didn't say goodbye to anyone, or see Peyton's baby. People always told me that there was only one Tree Hill. I ran away from the only place I'd ever known. I was leaving my home, my best friend, and my first love. One raven alone equals bravery and how strong it is, but a group of ravens together equals trouble...

* * *

_2 years later..._

I got out of my king sized bed and looked to my left to see my 32 year old boyfriend, Rich, lying there beside me. When I came to L.A. at 17 he took me under his wing and we've been dating for two years now. He was the best I could get, and he helped me forget about all the "poor people" as he called them, from Tree Hill. Rich showed me a life I had never experienced before, hard core night clubs, cigarettes, and drinking cock tails at 4:00 in the afternoon till midnight.

I was his secretary, and like all 32 year old men he liked a quick romp before work, and after work. I was his arm candy, and I didn't mind. All I wanted was someone who gave me attention, and he spoiled me rotten. He woke up and stretched his arms and looked towards me, "Morning beautiful," he said.

I smiled, "Good morning handsome," I said and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. I lit his cigarette for him and lit one of my own, "We have a meeting today with one of your executives," I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes, "I hate those pricks," he said.

"We can just pretend to be nice," I said as I rubbed his head lightly.

He swatted my hand away, "You're 19, and I'm 32. I think I know how to handle this," he said and then went towards the bathroom.

I took a drag from my cigarette and put it out on his favorite dresser. An hour later we were walking out of our mansion and into a limo. We got to restaurant in L.A. where I had never been before. We walked in there hand in hand with fake smiles on our faces. I think I began dating Rich because he was like me; fake. We sat down at the table, and our waitress came and got our drinks.

"Hi, I'm Haley," the brunette said, "I'll be your waitress tonight. What can I get you all to drink?"

We all ordered tequilas and that's when I finally realized who the girl was, "Haley James?" I asked her.

She nodded her head, "Um, yeah?"

"From Tree Hill, North Carolina," I asked her.

"Yeah," she exclaimed. She did a look over on me and smirked, "Brooke? Brooke Davis?"

I smiled, "Yours truly," I joked.

We finished lunch and Haley sat down across from me and we caught up while the other men got beers, "Where have you been all this time?" Was the first thing she asked me.

"I left," I sighed, "I just felt it was my time to go, you know?" I lied. I left because of Nathan, and nobody knew that and nobody was going to find out.

Haley drummed her fingers lightly on the table, "Everyone missed you."

I bit my bottom lip, "I missed everyone too," I choked, but I remained calm. "What about you and Nathan?" I asked, changing the subject.

Haley chuckled lightly to herself, "That didn't work out..."

"Why?" I asked and then put a fry in my mouth.

Haley's face got beat red and she tried to hide it with her hand, "Well," she said with a nervous laugh, "I'm gay Brooke."

I'm almost choked on my fry, but I swallowed it in time, "What?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, "A few months later after the engagement Nathan caught me in his apartment with another girl..."

My eyes popped out, "Was Nathan that bad in bed?"

"No," Haley exclaimed with a laugh, "He was great, he really was. I just...wasn't attracted to him anymore..."

I looked down at Haley's left hand and saw that the ring was gone, "So where's Nathan now?"

Haley shrugged, "The last heard he was in Tree Hill still."

I heard Rich calling for me and I sighed, "It was nice catching up with you Hales," I said and then gave her a hug.

"Peyton and Lucas are still in Charleston," she said before I left. I nodded and walked out of the restaurant.

"Who was that?" Rich asked as we got into the limo.

"An old friend from Tree Hill," I answered, "I need to go to Charleston," I said softly.

Rich laughed menacingly, "I don't think so beautiful."

I didn't say a word until we got back into the mansion, "Why not?" I finally asked.

"Because," he said, "I said so."

"I have to go," I said.

He laughed, "Why?"

I sighed, "Rich just let me go."

"I don't trust you," he slurred, "You probably have an old boyfriend from back in good old Tree Hill."

I crossed my arms tightly, "Don't be like this..."

"If you leave you'll never step foot in this house again," he threatened.

I went into the room we shared and started packing, "Is that a promise?"

He threw his glass down, "You weren't that good in bed anyways," he sneered.

I packed my things quickly and got into my Mercedes; I headed towards the Airport and got on a plane headed towards North Carolina. I sat and stared out the window, thinking about Nathan mostly and about Peyton and Lucas. I woke up just as we were landing. When I got off the plane I felt alone and scared. I looked at the address that Haley had given me on the phone earlier that day.

I drove to Charleston and followed the directions best I could. I found the address and lit a cigarette. The house was perfect for a couple with a baby. I got out of my car, cigarette dangling from my mouth, and my hands shaking like crazy. I took a deep drag and knocked on the door.

The girl I remembered answered the door, looking like she had put on a few pounds from the pregnancy and her blonde hair straightened. Peyton immediately recognized me and she put her hand over her mouth and I saw the tears form in her eyes.

"Hey best friend," I said quietly.

Peyton hugged me so tight I thought I was going to pop, "Brooke...I can't believe you're here..." The hug broke and she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Surprise," I said with a little laugh. I put out my cigarette and walked into the house, "How are you doing?" I asked her as I sit on the couch.

"I'm holding up," she said as she picked up a beautiful blonde haired two year old, "This is Brooke," Peyton said with a smile as the little girl waved to me.

I smiled and waved back to the baby, "She's gorgeous," I exclaimed.

"Thank you," Peyton said as she set the little girl down and sat down beside me, "Where were you?"

"L.A.," I said, "I had to leave Peyton. I couldn't be around him anymore..."

"He misses you," Peyton said, "Nathan was a wreck when you left."

I sighed, "I'm sorry I left..."

Peyton hugged me again, "When did you start smoking?" She asked.

"As soon as I met Rich," I said, "I'm going to quit though..."

"Rich?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, "Yeah, my 32 year old boyfriend..." I was ashamed.

"Oh Brooke," Peyton said so motherly that it scared me a bit.

"I know, I know," I said putting my hands up in defense, "Not the best choice in the world."

We heard the door knob turn and Lucas yell, "Honey I'm home!" We both looked at each other and laughed. Peyton had that certain sparkle in her eye that let me know that she was up to something.

Lucas walked into the room and following behind him was Nathan. I thought my heart had completely stopped, "Brooke," Lucas said with a smile as usual, "How are you?" He said as he gave me a hug.

"Good," I said. The hug broke and I looked over to Nathan and stood up, "Long time no see," I said softly.

Nathan crossed his arms, "Where have you been Brooke?"

I shrugged, "I needed some time away..."

"Away from me?" He asked.

"Not exactly," I lied, "I talked to Haley...I didn't know she was working in L.A."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and she's gay too."

I laughed lightly, "I heard about that too..."

Peyton walked over to the two of us and fake yawned, "You two need to get out," she teased, "Go out to dinner!" She said with a clap.

Nathan and I looked at each other and I sighed, "Sure, why not?" I said and we walked out the door and into his car.

"You don't have to do this," Nathan said as he pulled out.

"Take me to Tree Hill," I said ignoring his comment.

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	6. Six

**Lost In You**

**Chapter Six**

As we drove in silence we reached my old house. As usual the driveway was deserted and the lights in the house were off. I got out of the car and headed towards the car, while Nathan followed close behind me.

I walked up the stairs to my room and saw that it had been untouched, "They didn't even care," I said disappointedly.

Nathan put his arm on my shoulder, "I'm sorry..."

"Get away from me!" I yelled as my eyes began to water.

He brought his hand down from my shoulder and looked down, "I was just trying to-"

"You were just trying to what?" I shot back, "Comfort me? Tell me you love me? You already tried that bull shit I'm not falling for it again!" I barged past Nathan and went to walk across the street; I just wanted to get away from Nathan. I heard Nathan yell my name and then I saw flashing lights and heard sirens growing fainter and fainter.

I opened my eyes to see Peyton standing over me. She saw my eyes open, and I saw her face get its color back. "Thank god," she said as she hugged me and I could smell her perfume. It was actually my perfume and I smiled as I remembered the day she borrowed it and never gave it back. I loved that girl though.

"What happened?" I asked, even though I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

Peyton brushed the strand of hair that was in my face, "You were hit by a car..."

I started to remember what had happened, "Am I going to die?"

Peyton wiped her eyes, "Of course not sweetie," she said.

I didn't believe her; I knew I was going to die. All the hurt and pain I had caused other people was finally coming back to me. I looked around the room and noticed Lucas and Nathan standing side by side. Lucas was looking at Peyton and I, and Nathan was in a daze.

Lucas walked over to me and stood beside Peyton, "Hey beautiful," he said with that million dollar smile on his face.

"I probably look like shit," I grumbled.

Lucas gave me a kiss on the cheek and kept his face close to mine, "You look beautiful," he said honestly, "And I'm not the only guy in here that thinks that," he said with a wink.

Lucas took Peyton's hand and they headed out towards the lobby. Nathan and I looked at each other; both not knowing what to do or say. "So," I said nonchalantly.

Nathan came over towards me and sat down beside my hospital bed, "I'm sorry Brooke," he said with his head in his hands, "I'm so sorry."

I rubbed his head lightly, "Nathan...Don't do this to yourself, I'm going to die and it's going to be okay..."

"You're not going to die," he said sternly as he took my hands in his. His got serious, "Marry me," he said, "I want to be with you the rest of my life. I love you Brooke, I always have."

My vision got blurry because of the tears that were swelling up in my eyes, "Why couldn't you have said that two years ago? I asked with sadness lingering in my voice.

Rich walked in. It was horrible for me, and the look on Nathan's face made me cringe. Rich walked in with two dozen roses and a pack of cigarettes. He came over to me and kissed me passionately on the lips; a little too forceful, Nathan noticed.

"Baby," he cooed when the kiss ended, "I heard about what happened and I had to come as soon as possible!"

"Rich," I said flatly, "This is Nathan..." I said pointing to Nathan.

I could tell Nathan did not like the guy at all, "Hey," he said reaching his hand out. Rich accepted and flashed him a fake smile.

A cell phone rang and Rich took his out of his pocket, "Let me take this real quick," he said before answering it and leaving the room.

"Tell me that's not you're boyfriend," Nathan said.

I looked at the roses and shrugged, "I can't lie to you..."

Nathan looked at me in disbelief, "He's old enough to be your dad!"

"He's 32!" I said defensively.

"Yeah 32," Nathan said, "You're 19! Why are you with a guy like that?"

I sighed, "Just drop it Nathan!"

"Why are you with him?" He repeated again this time a little louder.

"Because he's nothing like you!" I said in a tearful sob, "I didn't want to get hurt again so I found someone who wasn't like you what so ever!"

Nathan stood there speechless, "I love you Brooke, and you run away from here, and find some guy who would rather talk on his cell phone than be with you?" He exclaimed, "God, I thought you were better than that."

"You don't get it," I mumbled.

Nathan started pacing the room, "Why did you run away Brooke? Huh? Were you pregnant? Were you wanted by the police? Was it drugs? Come on Brooke we're running out of time!"

I felt my eyes burn and then finally I lost it, "I left because of you!" I screamed.

"Because I married Haley?"

I nodded my head, "I couldn't stand to see you happy with someone who wasn't me..." I put my head in my hands and sobbed. I heard Nathan leave the room which made me sob harder.

I wiped my eyes when I heard Rich coming down the hall. He walked into the room wreaking of cigarettes, "Hey babe," he said as he kissed me on the cheek, "I talked to the doctor's, and they said you can leave tonight."

I sighed, "Good," I said as the nurses began getting my stuff ready to leave.

"Pretty soon we'll be back in our big mansion making love while we watch re runs of Friends," he said as he put his arm around me. He smelled like another woman.

"I'm not going back," I said trying to keep my voice from quivering.

Rich crossed his arms, "And why not?"

"This is my home Rich. The people I love are here," I began.

Rich raised his hand to slap me, but heard the nurse clear her throat, "You selfish little bitch," He sneered, "How can you give up everything for this stupid little town."

"I think you should leave Rich..." I said. A moment later he gave me one last glare and left the room, and left my life for good.

After I was all done filling out papers and getting my stuff ready and got into Lucas's car with him and Peyton.

"Are you staying?" Peyton asked apprehensively.

I nodded and smiled, "Yeah."

Peyton looked out the window, "Are you going to run away again?" She asked sadly.

I put my hand on top of hers, "No," I said softly.

Peyton looked at me and we smiled at each other, "Come here you!" She exclaimed as she wrapped me up into a big hug.

"Where should I drop you off?" Lucas asked.

I sighed, "Where does Nathan live?"

"He got his own apartment," Lucas explained, "I'll drive you over."

I knocked on Nathan's door twice and he finally answered it. He was in boxer shorts and a white t shirt, and looked tired, "I'm sorry if I woke you up," I said as I cracked my knuckles.

"It's okay," Nathan said as I went inside his apartment, "Did things not work out with Rich?" He asked sarcastically.

I sat down at Nathan's counter and looked down at the chipped paint, "Actually they didn't. He's a monster, Nate. A complete monster."

Nathan nodded his head in agreement, "So why are you here?"

"I was wondering if that marriage offer is still on the table," I said apprehensively.

Nathan smiled, "Yeah," he said, "I should've married you a long time ago..."

"I shouldn't have left Nathan," I began, "I was just scared..."

"I understand..." Nathan began as he came towards me.

He got down on one knee and held out my left hand, "What are you doing?" I teased.

"We have to be serious," Nathan said with a smirk planted on his face. I smiled and nodded, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes," I answered and then kissed Nathan passionately.

_Lost in you, and I can't find myself again._

_Lost in you, and I can't find myself again._

**The End**

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